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the window to shut that thing off, just tell him innocently "I just can't seem to control these weeds!" Shrug and laugh. Your neighbor will think you're a complete imbecile.

Step Three
Get your children a drum set. As they're learning their new instrument, open all the windows on the side of the house facing that one neighbor. Only allow your child to play the drums like this on Sunday, after the neighbor has finished his lawn and is settling in to watch the game/race/Discovery Channel. Your child will gain a greater appreciation for the arts and your neighbor will come to dread Sundays. Please remember to stock up on ear plugs, so that you'll better be able to handle to clanging of cymbals.

Step Four
Stand on the property line and tsk at the amount of weeds in your neighbor's yard. Helpfully inform him of every weed killing method you've ever googled- emphasizing those which require the greatest effort. Advise him that if he would mow his lawn more often the weeds wouldn't have a chance to take control. Then proudly point to your yard, which you've been mowing constantly for three months, and tell him that you've got your method down pat. When he mentions the lack of grass in your yard, tsk once more and say "Well, at least I don't have weeds."

Step Five
Summer is finally coming to a close and your work is almost complete. The guy next door has stopped waving at you as you come home and handing you the mail mistakenly left in his box. He gives you glaring looks as you sit on your porch. You've just about succeeded. But you have to make certain that he doesn't help himself to your snow shovel when the holidays roll around. You don't want to invite him for that Holiday get-together you were planning for the neighborhood.

While raking leaves, make sure to do it on windy days and make a pile close to his property. This way the leaves will fly over there, making his own leaf clean-up that much more difficult. Offer to come over and clean up your mess, but find something more pressing to do instead. Eventually he'll realize you're not coming and do it himself, all the while plotting his revenge.

There you have it. Your neighbor hates you. You don't ever have to worry about him helping himself to your weed eater or hedge trimmers. There won't be any cars parked in your yard because your neighbor was having a party and invited his guests to use your property as a lot. You won't find him drinking all the most expensive beverages at the summer barbecue. And you'll soon find yourself having even more fun as your neighbor exacts revenge by playing the exact same games that you played with him.

Learn more about this author, Lizzie Flynn.
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