14 of 79

Write now Article Tools

Page 5 of 5

over the audience were still dimmed. But right then, as if on cue, someone flipped them on and the first things I saw were two reflective glows sticking straight up and I knew what happened, they were sticking up out of a body that was still moving, in fact moving pretty vigorously considering that he was impaled in two places, his shoulder and his thigh, and then I vomited up a partially burnt cigarette and passed out.

I woke up tied down to a stretcher in a bouncing ambulance, with two paramedics on either side of me and a throat that felt like I had swallowed glass, and one of the two glanced over and noticed I was awake and reached over to pat my shoulder, "Don't worry, you'll be fine, you aren't injured badly. We think you've got some relatively minor burns in your throat," and I tried to respond but was rewarded with a searing pain in my throat and a croak for a voice, and the other paramedic looked over in concern and said, "Don't try to speak, you'll only hurt yourself. We heard about your trick, that was a really risky thing you did," and I wondered if they realized the irony of telling me that I performed a risky trick when I swallow swords for a living, but I still couldn't say anything and felt no inclination to try, so I leaned my head back against the stretcher pillow and passed out again.

I woke up in a hospital bed, still dressed mostly in my stage costume, only minus the cape and the coat with the wide flowing sleeves. When I looked around and found them draped across a nearby chair I saw a nurse walking by, who after noticing that I was awake, came over to my bedside, but when I opened my mouth to speak she shushed me with a finger to her lips, and she said, "Don't try to speak yet, you'll only hurt yourself, you've got some pretty serious burns in your esophagus, mister," so I didn't say a word and just listened to what she was telling me about the damage I had caused myself and how long it would take to recover. Then she continued to say, "You're probably wondering about the guy who got impaled. Well, he's a Mr. Griffin and he's still in the ER, but the surgeons are saying he's in stable condition," and I nodded. I hoped I looked relieved but I probably looked more confused than anything else, because then the nurse said, "Everybody's amazed that you were uninjured, you must be lucky to have two swords fly out of your throat without cutting you," and I shrugged, because I figured that now that I had scared and hurt people I had gone from eccentric to insane, and a crazy sword swallowing old man wasn't exactly the luckiest position to be in, especially one who belched his livelihood into the bodies of his audience and would likely have to deal with a lawsuit or two. But then I inwardly groaned when I thought about whether or not I'd be allowed to keep my job at the carnival, then I wondered about how I was going to eat with burns in my gullet, when the nurse noticed my distress and asked if I'd like something to drink, which I figured would be like a seventh heaven on my poor, scorched esophagus and I nodded vehemently, at which point she told me she'd be right back with the answer to my problems. When she came back she said that it'd settle any stomach discomfort because I'd been given some painkillers that were known to disagree with some people, but if anything, I felt a little sicker when she brought out a Canada Dry.

Learn more about this author, C. Mackenzie.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

• << previous page
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5

Add your voice

Know something about Humor: Fantasy?
We want to hear your view. Write now!