14 of 79

Write now Article Tools

Page 3 of 5

I still get a little nervous whenever I perform, and being nervous makes me a little sick. So after my stomach was settled, I brushed aside the heavy stage curtain with a flourish and strode out into center stage, into the spotlight, the crowd looking dim and faceless against the glare but I've been used to performing for shadows so it didn't bother me at all, especially not with all that ginger ale weighing me down and keeping my stomach from fluttering, then I perched my sword case on top of the small table provided on stage and opened it facing the audience, "BEHOLD," I heard my voice boom, and I remembered at how I used to marvel that I learned to make my stage voice sound so much different, more grandiose, more imposing than my normal one, "FOR YOU AUDIENCE MEMBERS GATHERED HERE TODAY ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS ONE OF THE LAST BLADEMASTERS IN ACTION" and that was my cue to seize one of the slimmer blades from my case apparently at random, but it was all part of the act, and tilt my head back, close my eyes to shut out the light, and slide the sword smoothly down my throat, at which point, with practiced ease, I'd leave it there to enjoy for a little while the gasps and awed murmurs from the assembled crowd.

After I had withdrawn the sword I felt a rumble from my gut, and a small cramp that nearly made me wince, which would have dampened my stage performance but fortunately I restrained myself, and allowed myself a couple seconds extra to boom, "THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS FEATS IN PERFORMANCE HISTORY," which made sense to me, "AND MORE PEOPLE HAVE DIED IN THE ATTEMPT OF THIS ART THAN HAVE ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED," all this was off the top, and I wasn't sure of that last part but it probably had a grain of truth in it, after all I'm sure tons of people have died while trying to swallow swords. Then I figured that I couldn't delay the act any longer so I took two swords of the next larger size and gulp, gulp, down the hatch with them too, and the audience was amazed and clapping and I felt that rumbling in my stomach again so I whisked the swords out faster than normal. I was scared for a split second that I had cut myself open from the inside but being that I didn't choke on any blood, I felt an immediate rush of relief and security and progressed to the next trick, which was to light a cigarette, place it between two of the swords of the next larger size and then to remove them all with the cigarette still lit, and so, "IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, KIND AUDIENCE, MY

• << previous page
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about Humor: Fantasy?
We want to hear your view. Write now!