by Ted Sherman

Created on: July 06, 2007

Depends (at age 82, I may soon be wearing 'em) on many factors about family relationships, money, health of the elderly parent, money, in-home facilities, and, did I mention money? Fortunately, I'm still able to take care of myself, so my personal opinion certainly can't fit every elderly care situation.

My personal experience was more than 30 years ago with my elderly mother who moved in with my family when my kids were very young. It was a wrong move in every way. After years of independence, she was beginning to break down mentally and physically. We didn't realize it at the time, but any doctor will tell you that once the deterioration begins, it proceeds downward at an ever-increasing rate, no matter how many times you deny it.

My mother wandered about, yelling out our kids, taking over the bathroom and forgetting such things as leaving a pot burning on the stove. After six months of daily turmoil that upset our entire family, we had to place my mother in a nursing home. While it would have been traumatic to her to have done it in the first place, the move would have saved my family considerable grief, guilt and disruption.

Fortunately, my mother had some insurance and Medicare to take care of most of her nursing home expenses, and my siblings and I shared the rest of the costs for her care. I volunteered for six hours every Sunday at the nursing home, which helped the staff, while at the same time letting the staff know I was checking on their care. It wasn't a perfect solution, but it was the best one for the time and situation.

I mentioned money all those times because that is certainly a major factor in deciding whether to keep the elderly parent in your home or not. Nursing homes are costly today, and will only get more so. If the parent has sufficient savings, and/or insurance coverage for the cost of a nursing home, I recommend that for all families, especially if living space is limited and there are small children. You won't get the savings account and investments you had hoped for when the parent dies, but it is ultimately more worthwhile in preventing the disruption of a young family.

Of course, the situation with each elderly parent is different. However, now that I may soon be forcing my family to make that ultimate decision, at least right now I hope they will opt to choose caring for the next generation more important than caring the old one.

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