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The following letter was sent from a principal to a troublesome student.

TO: Mr. Jacob B. Toekman, Student, Fabricated High

From: James R. Toekman, Principal

Subject: RE: Your Report

Dear Mr. Toekman,

I have received your report, "How to be Less of a Jerk", which you handed into your English teacher yesterday. I am pleased that you have a desire to be creative. However, I must voice my objection to the criticisms of your teacher, Mr. Lloyd.

Said objections being:

1. Language.

Words such as "Dumb", "Monstrous", and "Stupid" should not be used as you did in your report.

2. "Evidence".

The "evidence" that you provided was completely nonsensical and whimsical, to say the least, and most importantly, unreliable. In the future, please try to gather more evidence from reliable sources, not some random opinion you read in a teen magazine.

3. References.

Please, try to keep me out of being referenced to as believing that Mr. Lloyd is a "Jerk." Especially when I NEVER thought, nor voiced that.

4. Conduct.

Are you aware that I DID monitor one of your classes before you reported to me? You did in fact refer to Mr. Lloyd as a "freak" and Mr. Lloyd did not acknowledge you as a "loser" in the least. You should not lie to me, nor anyone else, verbally, or in a formal report.

I hope you will take the time to reflect on what you have done, as I am now assigning your punishment, 3 DAYS SUSPENSION,(See Attached Form) Thank You.

Sincerely,

Mr. James R. Toekman,
Principal

Enclosure: Suspension Note.

P.S. You're grounded.

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