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What is the unpardonable sin? Have I committed it? Sometime I feel as if I have. I've been a Christian for a very long time. But the past few years have been like a spiritual desert. The closest I've ever felt to the Lord is after I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Of all places it was at the Southern Baptist Seminary where my husband was a student. Around eighty men and their wives received this wonderful experience. Jesus became so real to me. I would tell my children to go out and play because "Mama wanted to pray." Both my husband and I received the gift of tongues and we begin to discern the work of Satan in people's lives. This helped us pray more effectively for them. This went on for several years and I will never forget it. But slowly the closeness began to subside and I couldn't "feel" the Lord like I did at first. Of course I prayed harder, asking God for that intimate fellowship again. But it never happened. What I have come to believe is that God wants us to walk by faith and not by feelings. I was a spiritual baby back then and the Lord graced me with his presence. However, I needed to learn to trust him regardless if I "felt" Him or not. Now it's up to me to discipline myself to spend time with the Lord. To seek Him and His will for my life. Still, I remember those early days and wonder if I have somehow missed Him. My understanding of the unpardonable sin is when you deny the work of the Holy Spirit and I certainly haven't done that. So I continue to remind myself that God is for me and not against me; To be still and know that He is God and will work all things to my good.

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