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The question "Do I exist?" may seem absurd. Of course I exist. Not so fast. Before deciding, consider the implications the questions that follow: "Why do I exist?" "How do I exist?" "Is it possible to stop existing?" "What defines my existence?" The question of one's existence is an important one, given that death is part of life on earth. To the extent that we identify self and self's existence with the physical body, the question of existence and questions following that question are cogent indeed.

How, then, do I know I exist? Because I think? More to the point, because I am conscious, aware that I exist. I have sensations that I organize, voluntarily and involuntarily, into perceptions. Question: How do I know that this is not some cosmic joke? How do I know without a doubt that I exist? What if life is just one big illusion? What if everything is meaningless? One can never be too sure about anything.

Or perhaps I identify existence with my physical body. If so, then will I exist after the body dies? If I am an atheist or agnostic, the point is moot. Existence, by definition, is about the phenomenon called life on planet earth. For me, this is a rather slim and unsatisfying definition of existence. For me, life on earth is a reflection of a deeper and vaster reality. Defining existence as life on earth is like defining a book by its cover or a meal by a picture of a meal.

In the question of existence, we have only two options: Either we do exist, or we don't. Plenty of people have felt that they do not exist. Plenty of people have feared, rationally or irrationally, the threat of non-existence. So the question is an important one, and not something to be answered simply with, "Yeah, sure, I exist." And beyond existence, do you matter? Why? What makes you important? Why do you matter? This, too, is a powerful question that needs reflection.

What if everything is just one big zero? What if all our activities and thoughts and plans and dreams amount to nothing? Have you ever felt that way? What were you doing and how were you behaving and what was going on in your life to predispose you to thinking that way and feeling so despondent? Likewise, when does life become meaningful? When does everything amount to one big positive? When do you and your world seem real? When do you feel that you exist? When have you felt important and meaningful?

Existence is a choice. I believe it goes beyond the physical. Needless to say, it begins here. How much you exist and how meaningful your life and how important its goings ons are depend how you live. When life ceases to be meaningful and you wonder whether you exist, take actions that increase your feeling of being meaningful and important - not through ego but through the mature self. The self-importance and self-absorption of the ego leads to disappointment and doubt. The mature self, the spiritual self, the wise part of us, knows how to increase meaning and purpose. That is the self to attend to and listen to and follow.

Do you exist? Does life matter? Do you matter? You answer these questions every day in the way you live and in your thoughts and feelings and in your choices and decisions. Life is only meaningful when you make it so. You matter only when you choose to matter. How do you change the world? By letting yourself and others and your environment matter: caring and compassion will change the world. And it doesn't have to happen on a grand scale. It can happen little by little, one good deed at a time: the smile, the caring word, the forgiveness, the acceptance These acts of kindness are acts of heroism, just as are the more dramatic acts. You can be a hero or heroine right now. You can matter right now, by loving yourself, by being kind to you.

Learn more about this author, Beau Smith.
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