by Wendy Wright

Created on: July 03, 2007

The way I see it romance , like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. We all have our ideas of what we would like to get out of a relationship. Some of us want security and stability. Some of us want affection and understanding. And some of us just want companionship with someone we can talk to on a daily basis without arguments. Whatever your idea of romance is, it's there for the taking, you just have to figure out where to look. And in my experience, it's usually right under your nose.

I also think that our ideas of romance change, shift, and grow as we mature. When we're young it's all about storybook romance (especially young ladies!). We expect to find one true love that will be with us for the rest of our lives. The picture book wedding, honeymoon, house with the white picket fence, children, and happily ever after. Some do achieve this. But many don't. Some get this early on, and for many different reasons, loose it.
Then when we're in our thirties or so, we begin to realize that it never really was about all of this. We think "Why am I here? Is this where I'm supposed to be? Why did I ever think that I had to have all of this to be happy? Am I happy? And who is this guy?"
If we make it through all of the doubts and questions and still have a solid relationship, great! But this is where many of us end up going our own way. If we're smart, we no longer look for romance because we're busy discovering ourselves. Figuring out where we fit into this world. Spreading our wings and trying new things. Being "on our own" for the first time.
Once you've accomplished that, you're once again ready for romance. The trick is not to look for it. You can try it all, bars, the Internet, blind dating, friends of friends, and so on. But in the end, and I've seen this to be true over and over again, the moment you stop looking, it will happen. True love, like great sex, should be spontaneous and mysterious. And when it happens to you, believe me, you will know it.
So live and love and always remember that to love and be loved, you have to first love yourself. We get back what we put out there, and happiness is a state of mind.

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