by Sarah Clinton

Created on: July 03, 2007   Last Updated: September 19, 2008

As with many other privileges, dating and the age at which it should be allowed to commence will vary from individual to individual. Trustworthiness, age, maturity, and wisdom of the young adult in question should all play a part in a parent's decision on whether or not to let him/her date.

However, many fail to overlook some very important factors. If you decide to let your 16 year-old daughter date, considering she is intelligent, trustworthy, mature, and wise beyond her years, what happens when she falls completely in love with a seemingly worthy guy, who ultimately ends up breaking her heart? From experience, I have learned that when she willingly and trustingly gives her heart to a young boy who soon becomes her hero, treats her like a princess, and ultimately renders her incapable of even looking at another, she is truly risking her very future.

I have witnessed young girls who had previously had Ivy-League aspirations become so depressed over the betrayal (i.e. the break-up) of their beloved that they completely shut down, unable to function or even enjoy life anymore. After bad break-ups, girls in particular rapidly lose weight, cease to function in school (resulting in drastically dropping grades), and generally end up unable to carry on normal, healthy relationships in the future, at least for an extended period of time.

Consider this: we give teens many adult responsibilities, such as driving, working and managing their own money, being responsible for their own actions, and staying ahead in schoolwork, housework, community service, and extracurricular activities without being nagged. Since we manage to pile all of this on them, how can we assume that they will simply be "playing at love," that their hearts will not become damaged beyond full repair? Young adults handle many situations in a very adult mannerwhy would they not attempt to form adult relationships?

Unfortunately, these "adult relationships" do oftentimes include sex, especially if the couple believes they will be married, as many teens do. This is where we see the majority of teen pregnancies, which are too often accompanied by a heart-wrenching break-up. Letting teens date with no monitoring or involvement will oftentimes cause many difficulties, not only for the parents, but for the teens themselves, and for an innocent baby.

However, it is also true that at 16 or 17 years old, teens are going to want the chance to make their own decisions, and ultimately, to make their own mistakes. Any parent knows that it is almost futile to attempt to keep their teenager locked away from the opposite sex. The best way to ease into the dating atmosphere is to sit down and talk to your teen about the risks associated, inform him that you will ALWAYS be there, no matter what happens, and that you love him unconditionally. You may encourage him to go on several casual dates for fun rather than being attached to one person so early. However, no matter what, make sure your teen knows how to treat a significant other, as well as how he/she must demand to be treated.

Above all, make sure that you are always approachable, as well as trustworthy. Matters of the heart can be the most gratifying, as well as the most damaging; if you are not a trustworthy, candid parent, your teen will not feel able to confide in you if, and when, something does go wrong. The guidance of a parent is infinitely important in a teenager's life; make sure your's is readily available, always kind, and, most importantly, always given out of love.

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