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I have received child support for my children and I have paid child support. I have been, as a single divorced mother, on both sides of the coin. I also have experienced different perspectives within my family since my children had different father's, both of whom had diametrically opposite economic situations. I have gone from welfare to work myself during the years that I was raising my four children.

The reality of child support is that the Federal mandate for one child was 17% of your gross income, 25% for two children and 27% for three. During the years that my twins' dad paid support it went to the state. The state then doled me out $50 of the total support and kept the rest as a repayment for the aid to dependent children they gave me.
Later, this same father lost his job, went back to work, and the state wanted to go after him for 60% of his income to pay them back. I went to court to ask them not to do this. A relationship with their father was/is an important aspect of the whole divorce scene and if his income didn't leave him enough to pay for a 2-3 bedroom apartment, it would put a severe strain on their ability to see him. Later, due to poverty causes, he was only mandated to pay $50 a month in support.

Years later, I went to live in another state and the children had decided to stay in NY with their father. I got a job right away making 8.50 an hour. Between my partner and I we both made close to $82,000 a year. Not married, we were in a higher tax bracket, and by the time we paid taxes and figured in the $500 a month support I paid and the $1,000 a month that he paid, both of us for 3 children, we brought home less than his ex-wife. She made $39,000 a year, received his $12,000 in child support that was not taxable to her, claimed 2 of the 3 children, had the house as a deduction and paid less in taxes a year in general than he/we did. I had no right to claim any of my children, the support I/we paid was taxed on our end but we never saw it, and we rented a rather inexpensive apartment compared to what three bedrooms cost in the market. We had no house for a tax deduction.

We all know there are "dead beat" dads out there (and I suspect there are dead beat moms as well) but the reality is that if you make a living wage and have child support to pay, you can no longer survive on a decent income. What the solution happens to be, I am not sure. Maybe taxing the child support recipient, or taking support out of pay before taxes, like medical or child care expenses, would make it more equitable. Divorce is a sad reality, but it is even sadder when the absent parent can't afford to keep a place that allows him/her to bring the children, or allows them to afford a decent standard of living. Ultimately, though finances are important, and children in poverty is a reality, a relationship with both parents is more important than money.

Learn more about this author, Leigh Lyon.
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