by Sheba Hayward

Created on: July 02, 2007

My friends and family have seen me get involved with several "emotionally unavailable" men and I'm sure have shaken their heads and rolled their eyes many times. Some are very easy to spot and avoid if you are truly searching for a partner and not someone to rescue or recreate some previous unhealthy relationship with you. In general, people who have blatant addiction problems, tell you they're emotionally unavailable, just recently broke up with a spouse or significant other, don't have close friends or participate in activities with other people are most likely not emotionally available. You can find these things out within a few dates or conversations and just politely walk away. Men sometimes try to date much more quickly after a divorce or separation than women and you can weed them out by just straight out asking. Take it from someone who has made this mistake, it will save you time and heart energy to ask. There are also women who go for married men. Even if he's looking for another partner he's not available emotionally or in any other way-just don't do it.

Pardon the sarcasm but one thing in my 30 years of involvements with men is that there has always been one common denominator: me. If I think adn feel that I not only want but deserve a man who communicates openly, is honest and emotionally available and focus on that, those men show up around me. I've met outgoing men, quiet men, younger, older, gorgeous, average and if I'm not emotionally available they aren't either. When I am expressing who I am, my feelings and desires openly and confidently other people show up that way with me.

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