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despite the pain the parent may have inflicted. You simply must stay neutral or you risk severing the fine thread of a bond you are developing with that child. If the child thinks you are taking sides against their parent, then they will eventually turn against you. If the child has visitation with their parent, that parent may actively work against your relationship with the child and anything you say negatively about the parent will be shared with the parent by the child. The parent is frequently angry with everything associated with the foster system that took their child away, that includes you.

6. Is a member of your family and extended family incapable of accepting a foster child as a member of the family?

Remember that you are bringing a child into the lives of everyone involved in your life. Do you know that everyone is willing to fully accept the foster child? Will your family and friends be accepting and generous during get-togethers? Do you have regular family events where this child is going to feel welcome and loved and accepted? Do you have family members or friends with problems similar to the child's family that you will need to keep the child from re-experiencing? I have a friend with a foster child whose mother was an alcoholic and the child gets very nervous and acts out at occasions where people are drinking alcohol. If your family can't treat this child as well as your other children, or as well as other children in the extended family how will you handle that?

7. Are you so tied up with work that you are unable to fulfill your commitments as a foster parent?

Foster children are not the same under the law as your children. You cannot make legal decisions for them such as approving placement in special education. You will not be able to add them to your health insurance therefore they will be on public health care. This means you have to go to the public clinics with them and making appointments at these clinics isn't the same as going to your family doctor. A foster child typically is required to have a physical exam within thirty days of placement. Many foster children who are just entering the system need extensive dental work, immunizations, and other medical care that all takes time. Children with mental health needs will have regular appointments with specialists and many also have medication you have to pick up at the drug store and make sure they take. All of this takes time which you must consider in terms of your own availability.

So many foster children need a good home and the lack of good homes leaves many children stuck in shelters and group homes which have a litany of serious drawbacks. If you have a big heart and you can honestly sort out all of the issues involved, a foster child can become a treasured part of your life.

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