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Anyone considering foster parenting should first stop and think about the difficulty of being a child in the foster system. A foster child frequently has serious issues to work through, sometimes these issues can be lifelong. Consider the best case scenario, the foster child who has had an absolutely normal life but whom is suddenly for some reason put into foster care. This child is now separated from everyone and everything that made up their life. This child now has incredible issues of loss, fear, abandonment and more from this terrible event. Now consider the issues a child will have who has lived a life of neglect and/or abuse. These are the children who are in foster care so the decision to enter the life of a foster child must be carefully considered.

Consider honestly your own motivation for wanting to be a foster parent. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Are your expectations out of alignment with the reality of foster parenting?
2. Are you being messianic? (Do you believe that you alone can save a particular child from the world?)
3. Are you just looking for supplementary income?
4. Are you capable of letting go of a child you may grow close to?
5. Are you unwilling or incapable of staying verbally neutral about the child's parents who may have done some serious, even criminal things to the child?
6. Is a member of your family and extended family incapable of accepting a foster child as a member of the family?
7. Are you so tied up with work that you are unable to fulfill your commitments as a foster parent?

If you can say yes to any of these questions then stay out of foster parenting, do yourself and the children a favor.

Here is a little more information about what is behind each question.

1. Are your expectations out of alignment with the reality of foster parenting?

A foster child who has been in the foster system becomes adept at manipulation and at not building attachments which they are only too painfully aware are likely to be broken soon anyway. Foster children are often angry at adults and with good reason, although they may not share the reasons with you, they will share their anger which may leave you confused and frustrated. Don't expect a lot of help from the foster system. Their job is often to place kids in the least expensive level of care that can be justified for that child. While some children may receive counseling, many do not receive any additional support. They are likely to come to you with minimal clothing especially if they come from

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