by Sean O'Leary

Created on: July 02, 2007

Disclaimer; I'll try to keep this devoid of spoilers, other than the obvious ones, but no promises. Read at your own risk.

I enjoyed the first Spiderman film, but wasn't too wowed by it. Spiderman 2 I enjoyed immensely. I left the theater feeling very upbeat after that one.

After leaving the theater from seeing Spiderman 3, my first thought was, "DAMN! WHERE'S THE MEN'S ROOM! I GOTTA PEE!"

But my second thought was, "What am I going to do about dinner?"

And this is important because I wasn't thinking about the movie. It didn't move me. I wasn't particularly curious about what came next. i mean, if you've seen it you know. The movie just ENDS. No truly moving images, no cliffhanger, no clincher, no thought provoking heroic monologue from Toby Macguire, ...NOTHING! The movie. JUST. ENDS.

In fact, I'm not sure this film was even edited! I mean there were a couple of scenes that had absolutely no transition whatsoever. The scene ends and the next begins in such an abrupt, and jarring fashion that you're pretty sure that you're still watching Spiderman 3 but you could have suddenly been shot in the head and have begun experiencing the afterlife. In the 7th level of hell.

The characters. Oh the Characters....Toby Macguire spent the first 30 minutes of the film acting as though he was cast in the starring role of the next "Clueless" movie. They couldn't sick the villains on him fast enough for me. And even after his first severe beating in the film I still wanted to slap him around some.

Kirsten Dunst begins the film so sweet and bubbly you'd swear My Little Pony was about to come flying out of her Strawberry Shortcake ass, then immediately takes a nose-dive into the pavement, and spends the rest of the film being dragged about the streets of New York. I'm pretty sure Sam Rami tied her, face-down, by the ankles, to a New York yellow cab to make sure she looked the part of the big climactic scene at the end. She was a mess.

James Franco....I'm not sure where they got this guy. I think he's Hayden Christianson's older brother. The one who got all the talent in the family. He's really the only character in the film who can go from really likable to "okay when does he die?" in the space of about two Juniormints. His best acting comes in the middle of the film, when he's supposed to be normal. Maybe they filmed him candidly. "Hey Kirsten, run in there, eat some food with James, make goo goo eyes at him, and we'll have the camera rolling. Under no circumstances do we want him

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>