by Victor Spinks

Created on: July 02, 2007   Last Updated: November 16, 2010

Paradoxically, I do think that so-called nice guys ultimately finish last. Even though they might, and often do, end up marrying the girl they want, it's typically at a point in a women's life when she secretly feels her physical allure may be waning, a feeling which often coincides with a strong desire to give birth and to having a responsible, dependable man to help take care of her and her baby, and usually it happens during the transition from her twenties to her thirties; the nice guy is not typically this type of woman's first choice. If things could be different, she'd rather be with the bad boy type she dated during high school and college. He was the type who might have had several women on the go simultaneously, behavior which at the time she felt compelled to endure because she thought it worthwhile, rationalizing her tolerance for his contempt of her by accentuating his positives: men will be men, that's what real men do, it's to be expected therefore acceptable. Besides, he's so fine, he's so handsome, he's so sweet when you get to know him, etc., etc., and all that!

Nice guys, by contrast, were the ones who made sure she got home safely after dates, never smoked or used profanity in her presence - because where these men came from, respect for such things was applauded rather than overrated or dismissed as old-fashioned. They were also able to converse on topics other than sport, beer, and women, they never cheated nor entertained the notion (even if they knew or suspected that she might be committing foul play), and even remembered her mother's birthday! For her, such men were, well, too nice; not exciting enough; too safe. Then, she one day realized that the bad boys were not going to be the marriage material she'd hoped they'd be.

Considering that even today, with women's independence and divorce rates at an all-time high, most women still want a husband, and the bad boy - as much she secretly desires to be with him - would not be the one she invites to the family reunions for fear of disapproval and embarrassment, and empirically he'd be less likely to be around to take care of the life that grew inside her after one of many "unforgettable" nights of lust. At best, she could be thankful that the bad boy chose to stick around for the first few months or years of the child's life before fading into into obscurity; or he might categorically deny being the father altogether, making her feel cheap and used; or he may simply return to the wife and children he either neglected to mention or whose existence she chose to ignore in the hope that he might leave his wife and the kids to shack up with her. For these reasons and others, she may have finally realized that, in the bad boy, she backed the wrong horse. The nice who gets her in the end often does so when she decides that her first choice may be too much of a risk to her long term well being. The nice guy, therefore, still comes in last.

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