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Dating Psychology

Dating: Unrealistic expectations

I firmly believe that it is absolutely impossible not to have unrealistic expectations, especially for women. From the time we were little girls, we've been transfixed on the image of "Prince Charming". Disney has told us with each new feel good Princess movie that someday, after our lives were threatened by witches or evil octopuses, our Prince Charming would walk through the door, sweep us off our feet, and we'd blindly follow our hunk of all hunks to a life of happiness, peace, and serenity. One could really say that Disney is the cause of our unrealistic expectations, for without Disney's epitome of a male, who or what would we have to compare our slightly overweight, sluggish, yet adorable significant others too?

No one.

I'm not saying that these expectations are a terrible thing, although I'm almost positive that's how its coming off, and I'm sure I have more than a few people up in arms right now, screaming at the computer, expecting an answer back. We DO need a sense of what we like and what we dislike in a partner, and we gain this through dating. It's the people who have concrete requirements before they even begin dating that get to me. To write off anyone just because they're too short, too pale, or even too good-looking just makes me sick (and yes, I have a friend who refused to see a guy because she thought he was prettier than she was). It's like trying foods as a child: You never know if you're going to like it till you try it.

Most everyone has seen some version of the phrase "I want a guy...". It's circled the internet since I was old enough to be on it, and it's more or less some woman ranting on about how she "wants a guy who will show her off in sweatpants, and love her when she has no make-up on". Yeah, yeah, yeah.. It's great to THINK that a guy could or would be all those things stated in the quotation. However, it's not reality. This is the classic "Prince Charming" mirage I was talking about earlier which EVERYONE falls for. Infact, I think it's really very unfair to expect so much of the guy. We're asking him to be perfect 24/7, while we lay in front of the tv eating bon bons with smudged mascara and sporting sweatpants- being true to the quotation of course. Think of it this way: What if guys actually expressed themselves. Said that they wanted us to go to the gym, lose 15+ pounds, wear only the best langerie and have untamely, animal sex with them everynight. We, as women, would be pissed, not only because we were just told what to do, but also because our entire lifestyle was just called into question, and now we're stuck with the naggy insecurities which always follow closely behind. Suddenly we begin to wonder if our butt is too big in those jeans, if we look fat in that dress, and we drive ourselves nuts trying to stay away from the chocolate, cause we know it'll go straight to our thighs.

Sad truth is, the entire scenario I just made up is a reality. Woman see it when they want to see it, like when we piss and moan to our boyfriends that they expect too much of us. Just like men, who will do the same, but as soon as we drop a bra strap are willing to forget what we expect of them. We're all the same, which is not even close to perfect.

We just need to realize that.

Learn more about this author, Somer Brown.
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