by Michael Johnson

Created on: July 02, 2007

I felt the pain. It was not some old injury or a new type of disease. For me it was my pride. Looking down at my son and asking him to "please tie your shoe" again was beginning to annoy me.
You see it is not the fact that I am growing old no not quite I feel old. I am still young but I am older then some. My boy, his innocence is fresh. Mine is like a dirty pair of running shoes comfortable and easy to use, but I no longer believe they will make me run faster.

My impatience has reached it peak "Never mind." I tell him. "I will do it myself." I also believe now that everything in order to be done right. Must be done by me. It is a paradox of sorts because at the same time the older I get the less I believe I really know anything at all. Have you ever seen a dog that was trying to scratch the top of its head and it switches back and forth never being able to reach the itch, and always the itching increased. That is me in my head.
My son looks up at me and tells me "I always get confused at that point." He says accusingly. "You know were you made the loops." Proof now that not only am I getting old apparently I am grumpier, mean, and down right inconsiderate of other peoples feelings. "It's ok." I tell him hopping that this is not the point were he decides to go off and become a mass murderer because of his mean old dad. Getting older means that now, I am also responsible for others in a way I could never have imagined.
"When I was young I was so bad a tying shoes I needed velcro. You will get it one of these days."
Either being older also means being the worst, or best at everything I have ever done. I believe these extreme ends of victory and defeat also lead to problems in the brain. Particularly in two parts memory, and the ability to listen when someone lese is talking.
"There you go kid off we go."
"Thanks dad did you see how fast I can run in my new shoes?"
"No son, please show me."

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