by Renee R.

Created on: July 01, 2007

Numb

I shall never forget the night I said goodbye to love. The moonlight bled through the trees onto the hollow ground we laid upon. The forest was mesmerizing, full of the life that only shows itself in darkness. His arm embraced me the same way it has for four years today. I couldn't tell if he felt the uncertainty within me. Had I become so accustomed to pretending everything was perfect? But it wasn't perfect. It could never be, and I had known this for too many months. He kissed my forehead, ran his fingers through my hair as I swallowed my guilt. How ashamed I am to have continued for so long. I couldn't do it anymore. This lie that has entangled my heart was sure to break from my lips soon.

Ive dread this moment, and I could only hope that I was making the right decision. No, I had to do this. What I was hoping for was that I wouldn't shatter him. That he would accept this inevitable change, for thats the only thing we as human beings could count on; change. When we first became a couple we were instantly inseparable. The fire burned deep within us to become this thing we could only call love. I had never been happier. Unfortunately such ecstasy wasn't meant to last and my fire for love has since grown dim. I want more. I cannot explain what that more was but I was missing something. I could feel a void growing between me and him. I say me and him because he had no concept of what was running through my mind, helpless to the heartbreak I was about to unleash.

So in the damp foggy night of our forbidden forest I am cradled in his eyes that have for so long made me feel safe and secure. We sat in an eternal silence, my mind spilling over with angst. He was holding my hand. Its puzzling how such a simple gesture can send you into waves of warmth, and for a moment I thought to just lie there, forever. To let time take its toll and finish my journey right there; to fall into an unforgiving sleep to the lullaby of crickets. But these were just thoughts of a confused soul longing for its last taste of the world. How overwhelming our feelings can be to all reason. As if our heart blindfolds our head to the future we sew.

Soon I awoke from the trance and though I tried to utter a word but tears overshadowed and I cried for the last time. Of course he was quick to try and comfort me but I turned from his grasp and spilled my inner secret of loneliness. My heart exploding and his dreams crushed we laughed and cried until the light had rose for another day. We went our separate ways and haven't spoken since.

I smiled as our memories flashed through my thoughts. At least I will always have joy with me. And when I think back to this day I will not be saddened but thankful. Thankful that I could still feel, hurt or bliss, it doesn't matter. And as I sit here reminiscing I feel nothing. My nerves don't feel reality anymore and haven't since that evening. My body has become lifeless and numb to my ever-present surroundings. But I know one sense I have never and will never feel; regret.

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