by Jennibean

Created on: June 30, 2007

iStupid

Oh yes. I love me some technological gadgets. I've got it bad for this new iPhone that has come out. And yeah, baby... I gots mine. But I have to admit... getting it was no easy feat. I kept a journal of my three day camp out outside the Sharper Image store. And so I share my experience with you now...

Day 1: I arrive at the Sharper Image store. I expected to be the first in line. There were already twelve people there. Dammit! I start sizing them up, wondering how easy it would be to kick their asses if I absolutely had to. I see an old lady. She's as good as wasted. Two kids playing chess... dogmeat. A metrosexual on a cell phone talking erratically and waving his hands around like a premenstrual female... that alone is worthy of a healthy ass kicking. I see a biker with a large pocket knife and a LOT of tattoos, and forearms the size of tree trunks... and a man in full military dress. I think I will just let them have theirs. The way I see it, I actually have the potential to end up around the fifth spot in line. I begin cracking my knuckles.

Man, this is boring. The guy behind me is picking his nose, and trying really hard to conceal the fact that he's doing it, but I know. He had been breathing in and out really hard to attempt to dislodge it, and when he got quiet after several minutes of this, I knew he had given up and resorted to the old pick and flick. The old lady won't stop yapping about her grandkids. The chess dorks are discussing adult topics that they are not well versed enough in yet not to sound stupid. The biker is eating a grinder with onions and sauerkraut on it. As I look around, I see no porta-potties. This is shaping up to be a fantastic day.

Day 2: I'm getting hungry, and I really have to pee. More people are showing up. Apparently the grinder didn't agree with the biker's tummy. Instead of doing the right thing and conceding his place in line to indigestion, we all got a front row seat to puke-a-palooza. Fabulous. I'm thinking that this may have been a bad idea. But I have to have this gadget. I tuck my nose into my shirt and look the other way. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts... puppies... kittens... bunnies... puke... AGH! It's no use... it's creeping into my thoughts and stinking up my inner monologue! It's breached the fibers of my clothing and there's no escape. My kingdom for some sawdust...

The day wears on. It gets hotter, and people get crankier. There are only going to be 50 units in stock... but there are 100

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