by Carol Gioia

Created on: June 30, 2007   Last Updated: May 09, 2012

How old do you have to be to qualify as an official grown up? Some say 18, others think 21 is the magic number. In reality, being grown up has nothing to do with chronological age. Some individuals are grown up at fourteen, others reach mid life and have yet to grow up.

Growing older should not be confused with growing up.

Two characteristics of a grown up are:

(1) Accepting responsibility for one's own life
(2) Not blaming others, or circumstances, for your life situation

To accept responsibility for your own life means to own your feelings. When we have not yet matured emotionally, we will say, "YOU make me so angry", or "YOU make me sad." A grown up uses the I word, as in "I am so angry", or "I am feeling sad", and knows it is fully in his power to change the way he feels.

A grown up does not blame or make excuses. Before a person fully matures, it is common to dwell on his childhood when things are not going well. "If my father didn't drink, I could have gone to college and I would have a better job today."
"If my mother wasn't so controlling, I would have more friends." Immature persons spend much of their time angry, frustrated and full of regrets. A grown up realizes he is in control of his situation, regardless of the past, and if he doesn't like something he can change it.

A classic example of a person who has not yet fully grown up, is the young girl who falls madly in love, marries, and then tries to change everything about the person she fell in love with, in an effort to control her environment. As her maturity evolves, she comes to realize she cannot change another person, she can only change herself.

Being grown up does not happen overnight. It is an ongoing process. We are the sum of the choices we make. We can choose to sit and mope about how our life is not working, or we can choose to treat each day as a new beginning and work toward the lifestyle we desire. Life lessons, experience, mistakes, training and education all contribute to our being grown up.

Those with a "grown up" positive attitude are generally happier adults. They do not spend their life complaining; they spend their life changing and growing. Being grown up also means possessing the qualities of empathy and compassion for others. In the process of growing up, these individuals look around and observe they are not the center of the universe. They realize if they want to live in a better world, they must contribute to it in a positive way.

When we begin to see our glass half full, count our blessings, feel a certain level of contentment no matter what our situation, and cherish the moments of our lives, we suddenly have a revelation. Being a grown up may come with responsibilities, but it also affords us freedom to make our own choices and follow our dreams.

We find ourselves thinking, "I'm a grown up, and I like it!"

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