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One issue in the matter of friendship that is often overlooked is change. If you can be objective, sit back and analyze the different degrees to which people tolerate change in their relationships.

One pair of friends, since age 10. One is passionately interested in current affairs, and her socio-political views are set in stone from an early age. The other person is much more flexible. One political viewpoint makes sense at age 15, but less so in her 20s. The first girl reacts to the friend's changes of opinion with distress: "But in the last presidential election, you said you favored a strong military! How can you feel exactly the opposite way now?"

Another friendship. One friend takes a promising job offer in another city. Her friend expresses grief and sorrow at the separation. The friend who moves away keeps in touch faithfully by phone and internet. After a year, the job goes sour and she moves back to her home town, only to find that the friend who couldn't bear to see her go is now refusing to answer her calls or meet with her.

Friendship is a two-way street, and if one person is open to change, the other person must be as well, or the relationship will not last.

Learn more about this author, Elaine Arthur.
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