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Watching Cancer or Watching God?

Hi I'm 25, and my mom was diagnosed 3 years ago with Breast Cancer. My mom has always been a woman that worked hard and always had a good spirit about her. She worked for 28 years as a janitor at a state mental institution, and was a bible school teacher for years at our previous church. My mother was 21 when she had my sister and 25 when she had me. My mother was always a passive woman and many people took advantage or tried to take advantage of her, including my father. My mom always took a lot from my father, but nevertheless she stayed around because of her strong belief in God and family!

Back 3 years ago when my mom was first diagnosed, I didn't know how to react. My first reaction was that, it was a mistake. After a second opinion from the same doctors, it was still cancer they saw. I became numb and I didn't know how to handle my mother having cancer. You always see other people going through losing a mother or father or loved one, but when it happens to you the feeling is numb! You began to ask yourself different questions like, "Why God my mother", "How do I began to comfort her?" The answer I found, only came within time because nothing could have prepared me for the reality that was about to take place.

During the next few months my mom started doing treatments and chemotherapy. Seeing my mother praying a lot, seeing her cry, seeing her wanting to give up, seeing her ask why me was just the start of a pain inside that I was about to go through. I can't remember how long it was exactly in the following months it was but my mom began to lose her hair. She would talk to me and ask "are you ok" and I would say of course yes so she wouldn't have the pain of going through her ordeal and have the pain of watching someone else's pain and suffering.

Soon my mother's hair was completely gone. At first my mother didn't let me know. One day I came over to her house and she said come here I want to show you something. She guided me to the downstairs bathroom, where she began to slowly unwrap a scarf she had over her head. When she began to unwrap the scarf I was gearing up for hurt. She takes the scarf off and she's almost completely bald, with maybe a couple of single strands of hair. The feelings inside of a person when they come witness to something like that are numb, but hurtful.

After getting to the point where I could see past the hurt of seeing my mother go through this, my mom started to have days of sorrow. My mom and I

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