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by Carol Gioia

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Children with a high opinion of their own self worth will grow into happy, well-adjusted and productive adults. To accomplish this goal with our own child is a huge, long term undertaking. It begins while our child is still in the crib and continues with specific, consistent activity throughout his growth to adulthood.

* When we reach into the crib to pick up our baby, a smiling face will teach him that he is a pleasure and a treasure - lesson one in self esteem.

* When our child begins to walk and investigate his world, we do not want to hover and overprotect. If we are not worried, he will not worry. He will grow in self confidence - a key ingredient to increasing self esteem.

* If we use positive reinforcement when disciplining our child we will be using a positive approach to teaching him limits. Praise him for good behavior. Distract or minimize negative behavior. Praise builds layers of self esteem.

* Affirm the child's importance in the family by assigning age appropriate chores, and acknowledge his contributions. Squelch the urge to "do over" if his performance is not up to our standards. The bed might not be perfectly made, but the child's self esteem will be perfectly intact because of his accomplishment, and that is our goal.

* Listen, listen, listen. This is especially crucial once our child is out in the world and among his peers. Most of his world he will be able to navigate on his own, but occasionally we may have to give guidance or assistance; for instance, if he is being bullied, ridiculed or shunned, a common occurrence on school playgrounds. What sounds like idle or incessant childish chatter could give a clue how to assist our child in becoming a social being. Teach him what it means to be a friend and, hopefully, he will use what he has learned as a guide in choosing good friends, which will add to his self esteem.

* Praise, praise, praise. Every time our child receives praise, we are making a deposit into his self esteem account. Be sure praise is sincere, keep comments directly attached to his accomplishment. To say "you are the smartest boy in the world" is empty exaggeration, and the child knows it. To say, "I am so proud you received a B on your spelling test, I know how hard you worked" will do more for his self esteem than we can measure.

* Encourage the teenage child to do volunteer work and take on part time jobs. Interaction with the community in this manner will increase his sense of self worth. At this point in his life, sit down with the child and explain what a resume is, and help him build a resume for himself. This will give him a concrete picture of his value and increase his confidence in himself. This will also help him to become goal oriented.

* Encourage the teenage child to communicate his own issues. Whether he is asking for a raise, disputing a low grade or an incorrect paycheck, each time he stands up for himself, he increases his art of negotiation and also his self esteem.

Following these parenting tips throughout all stages of his life, and incorporating heavy doses of unconditional love and total acceptance will assure your child will become a happy, well adjusted, productive adult with healthy self esteem and a good sense of his own worth.

Learn more about this author, Carol Gioia.

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