by Ann Lewis

Created on: June 27, 2007

Difficult people bring out the worst in us! They're annoying, rude and disruptive and hard to love. Why is it that some people can tolerate them and not have their feathers ruffled, while others become angry and frustrated? I believe the answer lies within ourselves.

We respond to others as a reflection of how we interpret the world. We can only see clearly from our point of view so when a difficult person acts in a way contrary to what we would have behaved, it annoys us. What we must do, in order to deal more effectively with difficult people, is examine the root of our own emotions and of theirs.

Our own emotions in relationships are the result of how we interpret the other person's behavior. We take into account both verbal and non-verbal cues and context to form our opinion. For example, if we interpret a difficult person's behavior as threatening to us, we become defensive and angry too. We may even misinterpret the other person by misreading their body language and mood.

Some of the following tips will help you in dealing with difficult people.

1. Mentally approach the conversation as a challenge and strive to answer questions and agree
with the person. It allows them to drop their defenses and communicate in a more pleasant
manner.

2. Offer two choices to the difficult person to allow them to feel in control, while still maintaining
control yourself.

3. Act self-confident and it will calm the difficult person down.

4. Use non-threatening body language.

The difficult person is probably responding from a deep emotional state and therefore, their behavior is reflexive also. Keep in mind that the other person has strong emotions too and may be responding automatically. Even difficult people can have caring hearts. If we only discover that part within them, we can communicate better with them and not be so threatened by them.

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