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Teenagers are seldom disrespectful without a reason, because every child wants to be loved and valued. They would not risk their feeling of security and inclusion for the sake of it. The following are the most common reasons for disrespect, especially when:

1. They feel unloved, unwanted and misunderstood. This is the main reason why teens go off the rails and behave badly. This is their way of getting back and hurting the parent for the lack of worth they feel. They do not have a strong sense of value and so the respect goes. Their behaviour is more like retaliation and revenge for not feeling loved and appreciated. Kids need to be shown love and affection daily. A simple hug, a kind word and positive reinforcement are essential to show value and appreciation and increase the teen's feeling of security and self-worth. Parents who were not shown outward affection themselves might feel awkward in this regard but affirming that teen regularly as a valued person is very important.

2. They are not affirmed or reinforced, but mainly criticised; their views and feelings are not respected either. This often happens in strict homes where there is too much discipline, too little slack and too many expectations which the teens find difficult to fulfil. They have no way of thriving as their own individual and the frustration is evident in disrespectful behaviour. Many parents are so keen for the child to develop in their own image and likeness, they forget that there is an independent person waiting to emerge and unwittingly stifle their growth. This of course causes resentment, anger and lack of respect. The main tip here is NOT to criticise before you praise. Always begin with praise when you have to be corrective and, where possible, don't criticise at all, simply affirm every desired or acceptable thing they do. In this way, you will bring desired behaviour to the fore and reduce the undesirable ones. ALWAYS try to compromise with the child's need and not just insist on your own. It shows respect for their feelings and aspirations and teaches them to respect yours too.

For example, when my children were growing up and started dating, they were requested to bring every new friend home. They could have them in their room but the door had to be always open and the friend had to leave by midnight. It meant that we did not have to worry where my teens were in the evenings; I did not try to control their lives and they had a chance to meet their friends openly instead of being

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