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People have to date after being dumped because that is a natural part of life: dealing with both pain and pleasure. Our life does not consist of single events or just the nice, enjoyable moments. We are on a journey of self-development, self growth, self-knowledge and self-realisation from the day we are born until the day we die. Pleasure and pain are thus two sides of the same coin of life which help us towards that ultimate development. We cannot have one without the other.

Not having another relationship might keep you from getting hurt, but it won't give you a life. You will then be stuck in negativity, with the past trashing inside your head forever, while you cower cowardly in a corner, shying away from the setbacks in life which actually make you more resilient, more experienced, more confident in yourself and far more attractive as a person. Worst of all, it makes you unloving too. You cannot deny love then claim to love others. The two are incompatible. That's like trying to give away what you haven't got. The only way through life is to face everything it throws at us which helps us to develop survival and coping skills.

Every relationship teaches us something. Often, when we don't want to learn, we go inside ourselves and ignore the message. But relationships break and cause hurt mainly because of the expectations we burden them with. People come into our lives for any of four main reasons, of which only one is permanent. However, as we expect every person we like to be permanently with us, our expectations are soon dashed when it does not work out that way. Yet, when we allow a relationship to unfold without trying to control it, or having too many expectations of it, we make room for the unexpected and are likely to be surprised.

Most important, break-ups really hurt when we don't love ourselves and expect others to love us instead. Once we love ourselves first, it doesn't; matter who doesn't love us, because we are already of value - to our relatives, parents, family, friends, to name a few. When we merely expect love from others to compensate, once they reject us, the pain is harder to bear because that rejection merely confirms what we already believe - how unlovable and unwanted we are. Furthermore, relationships do not just consist of hurt alone, though that is all we focus on when we get hurt. Relationships consist of PLEASURE first. To get to that hurt, we have to experience pleasure and when we deny ourself the opportunity to be hurt, we

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