by Jan Sterrett

Created on: June 22, 2007

You should have seen me better
You could have given truth a voice
The disenchantment I now feel
The tears, the anger all too real,
You could have made a different choice.

You should have heard my side as well
Before the judgment fell on me that day
I blamed you then
I blame you still
You could have found a different way.

While logic says, I should forgive you
Not for your sake,

But for my own
Forgiving still seems way too hard for me
To work my way around to
When to this day
I can't recall the better times there
I'd once known.

And now at time I wonder
About the man you've come to be
Because of the manipulating lies you let
Too many times surround you.
So many others knew the truth
That you refused to see.
But there were few among them all
Who dared to stand for truth,
To stand for me.

I wonder if someday
This will all come back to haunt you
I wonder if you ever gave a moments thought
To what was lost
While you worked very hard
At avoiding confrontation
I seem to be the only one
Who paid the cost.

I wonder if you ever think about me
I wonder if you ever have your moments of regret
While I'm stuck with still recalling
Things I'd just as soon forget
And trying to forgive it all
I'm not quite there, just yet.

You chose the side of those who
Far to freely
Traded truth for lies.
I wonder in your darker moments
If you ever realize
That there was no victory won
Not for you, for me, or anyone
I wonder if you ever think about
The damage that was done.

You were the one in charge
You had the final call
If there were no other way around it
But for me to have to take the fall
I only wished for the time I'd served
That you'd thought more of me
To find a different way to end it
If it had to end at all.

I wonder if deep down you know
There was more wrong done there then right
I wonder if you're ever bothered
By your conscience late at night.
The toll it's taken on me
With my life in disarray
All I'm wishing now
Is that you'd found a different way.

While I do not wish it on you
I have no thoughts of harm upon you
But if someday you find
You barely recognize the man
You've come to be.
The future tally of the costs
The prices paid for what's been lost
Is something that
Not anyone of us
Can know or see.

In five years time
I did my best to try to serve you well
If you know deep down inside you
It's been too high a price to pay.
Then only time will tell.
For when it came to me,
You could've found a different way.

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