by Len Morse

Created on: June 22, 2007   Last Updated: April 27, 2009

Tact. Consideration. Diplomacy. Finesse. Savoir-faire. Call it whatever you want, but according to Random House, tact is "a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense." It is usually used by intelligent, detail oriented, empathetic people who keep the feelings of their audience in mind. A tactful person does not wish to ostracize or insult anyone, especially when s/he knows the intended recipient(s) may not like the message or action.

Tact seems to be woefully underrated in today's world. If more people took a few seconds to choose the right words during daily encounters, whether electronic or face-to-face, more feelings would be spared. They would also have better chances of explaining their thoughts in case their original comments/actions were still misunderstood. Fights might be avoided, marriages might remain unbroken, and certain radio personalities might still have jobs.

== When To Use Tact ==

It may be first encountered during school, in a kind of "socialization trial-by-fire," when we are learning to deal with a menagerie of personalities all at once. You're on your way to class, but lookout - here comes the school bully, and he's gunning for you! What do you do? This proving ground then extends into college and/or the job. The raise you were promised has somehow missed your paycheck again, and you need to speak to the boss. How do you handle it?

Institutional expectations are only part of this learning process, though. We are all hard-wired to react to certain situations or certain people, and are often faced with the choice of being tactful or inconsiderate. Consider the following scenarios:

- Your spouse tells you that her closest sibling, who has always been wonderful to her but nasty to you, is gravely ill. How do you react to the news?

- Your latchkey child innocently forgets the key, and spends a couple of hours outside the house after school, until you get home. How do you treat him?

- You're on a date, but during dinner your date's cell phone rings and he answers it. What do you say?

Unfortunately, some people just don't care enough or don't even realize that they have a choice. Certain personalities frequently do not believe what people tell them, and usually answer with "You're lying." Besides the fact that they ought to be a little more open-minded, they might try replying with "Really?" or "You're kidding," or even "I disagree." These are much less insulting, and will help keep a conversation's potential from spiraling into a battle

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