11 of 99

by Lisa Hunt Warren

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All experiences are learning experiences, so here are some of my gardening/learning experiences:

I've tried several times to root and plant forsythia branches, and only one of those times resulted in an actual, growing, forsythia, bush. There was also a white, flowering, bush I planted once; and that - like most of the forsythia branches - died almost immediately after being planted. When it came to any of these bushes what I learned was what I didn't know about planting.

There have been numerous attempts to grow one thing or another from seeds, but I have not yet managed to get them past the stage where the beginnings of growth are about an eighth of an inch high. I've learned from all of these endeavors that there is a fine line between drying out and over-watering, and I haven't figured out where that line is yet. With nothing left but all the little containers I bought for my seed projects, I've come to realize that, just as not everyone should be a parent, I should not try to grow anything from seeds. (I'm great with growing kids. I've always known just how much water to give them. Its the plants-from-seeds I'm not good at.)

One attempt at planting tulip bulbs taught me that there is actually a top and bottom to the bulbs. (Who knew?) A more successful attempt to grow tulips from bulbs resulted in a lot of bright, red, flowers. (If I'd known they were actually going to come up I would have been more careful about getting pink rather than red. Again, who knew?) The red tulips came up among all my pinks and purples for a few years, although I learned from them that if the bulbs aren't in deep enough eventually squirrels (or something) will eat them, even after they've bloomed.

From years of bringing home pots of ready-blooming petunias and geraniums I've learned 1) that just because it rained it doesn't necessarily mean you don't have to water and 2) when you're picking off the dead blossoms of plants near the driveway light some beige, dried-out-looking, things aren't dead blossoms and are, instead, giant moths that fly up and hit you in the face.

I've learned how much feeding plants really does make a difference. I've learned that I can let my impatiens dry out enough to collapse and they'll still puff right back up if they get water (sometimes).

Also, I've learned that its hard to garden with plastic sandwich bags on your hands because you don't want to get dirt under your fingernails but don't want to have to wash dirty gardening gloves either. Learning how big, slimy, fast-moving, bugs come out from under places when they're least expected was not a pleasant learning experience; and neither was learning that wearing sandals out to work in a garden ruins a pedicure. I've learned how if you don't wear a hat your scalp gets sunburned but, more importantly, that green worms fall out of trees and get in your hair.

I'm particularly proud of the two-year-old impatiens I brought in one Fall and managed to keep alive over my kitchen sink. Ah - my clean and cheerful and bug-free kitchen where my impatiens success story and hearty philodendron create the illusion that I have a green thumb. Ah - my clean, cheerful, bug-free, kitchen where my fingernails only get cleaner and where no green worms fall into my head and where the impatiens and philodendron allow me the dillusion that I am competent with plants. My kitchen - with some leaves on the wallpaper - is probably the closest thing to a garden I'll have really have.

That, and the fact that I buy ready-bloomed petunias and geraniums and go out and pick heads off each evening, allow this non-gardener to have something just a little in common with real gardeners. What my so-called gardens have taught me the hard way is that I REALLY don't like dirt and REALLY don't like bugs and REALLY don't know much, or want to know much, about gardening at all.

There's nobody who appreciates the breathtaking, awesome, beauty of flowers and plants the way I do; but it turns out that's not enough to a gardener make.

Learn more about this author, Lisa Hunt Warren.

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