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I'm often asked, especially by the couples I counsel, how I can remain happily married after nearly 29 years, all to the only woman I've ever been married to. Surprisingly to some, it isn't at all difficult to do, though it does require some effort and determination.

The most important thing of all is open and honest communication. When communication breaks down, problems will follow, every time. I detest absolute statements, and I just made one, but it is true. I have yet to find a time this didn't happen. Ladies, if your husband is all excited about a new hemi in his car, don't tell him that it is interesting if it isn't to you. Try asking what a hemi is and why it is good. Your husband will often even find it great that you would care about him enough to ask. Words mean things. Take care in your choice of wording. As a wise person once said, "Tell your wife that she has a face that would stop a clock, and you are begging for a fight. Tell her that when you look at her, time stands still, you are liable to get a hug. Yet you are saying exactly the same thing."

The open part is tied in with trust, and can either make or break that trust. "Do you find him attractive?" should be greeted with "Yes, in some ways" if you feel that way. "Do you think she is sexy" should not be answered with "No", unless you really feel that way. Unless they are conceited, no man or woman is going to be happy about their looks or body.

This is a normal exchange that lets your spouse know what it is that you find attractive. This doesn't mean that you will ever have that attribute, but it also doesn't mean that your spouse would ever leave you over it, and that is important to know. An example; I once asked my wife if she felt a particular guy was attractive. She answered that she found him very attractive, mostly because of his crystal blue eyes. I have brown eyes. But I also didn't worry about it a lot, because she didn't marry me because of the color of my eyes. Instead, I praised her for being so honest with me. Result, trust grew stronger on both parts.

Sex seems to be a sticking point for many couples, and this is where honest and open communication can turn a very bland and unproductive sex life into something that lights the sky like the fourth of July. Start by sharing your fantasies with each other. Many will never be realized, for obvious reasons, but some can be. The goal is to excite your mate as much as possible, and share in that excitement

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