by miraclesinprogress

Created on: June 20, 2007   Last Updated: January 12, 2011

If marriage is truly about love and romance first, two head-over-heels in love people should have no qualms about signing a prenup, depending on its content. Certainly, no one wants to enter a marriage concentrating on protecting themselves, financially or otherwise. If we are honest, though, statistics show this might become necessary for women in the area of physical protection, too. Morally, our society has entered a new realm, and men and women are both confused about their standards, and how to apply their standards in prenups would help eliminate this dilemma (moreso if lawyers can somehow be kept out of the equation, I believe: some type of "marital restorative justice" is in order, and I am completely serious about this concept and might suggest a design for it).

I have seen women who, in the throes of divorce, ask for 80 to 90 per cent of what they (verbally) clearly state they are ready to discard. If they are going to "throw away" the man, I feel they might as well discard a great deal of the financial blessings that also protect them while married to the man, and this should be defined in advance to make a man (if he is the primary income earner) feel protected for the future. No one wants to feel they "are punished like a criminal" for getting married to the wrong match, and men are no different from us in that respect.

As a woman, I still believe I have been born with internal differences, and, deep down I respect a man who wishes to come home to a peaceful environment, a woman who respects and adores him, and as a woman I expect the same in return. Circumstances might alter depending on external changes (health, job losses, etc.) but respect, compromise and trust can help in the adaptation process. I think these are the deeper issues, and what many of us no longer apply or experience; at home or in the workplace. If prenups (and "marital restorative justice") could be applied in the area of violence, I believe many men would be far slower to put a hand to a woman, too. They would also have little community leverage to pursue, stalk, and harass a woman after the relationship ends. Perhaps a prenup could define that both partners would have to remain sexually neutral until the divorce was finalized.

Again, if men and women decided in advance, on paper, the consequences for unacceptable behavior and mis-behavior, our futures might look radically different. If lawyers can, for the most part, be removed from the equation, there might be a lot less heartache, financial loss, and more equitable resolutions all around.

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