by Maxwell Hammer

Created on: June 18, 2007   Last Updated: September 22, 2008

Television: There's always something on.
What's the point of TV? Marshall McLuhan said "The medium is the message." But what's the

message? I've been watching for years and never figured it out. It always seems like any

minute something will emerge. Some pattern will be made clear. That somehow there was some

deeper meaning in the Dukes of Hazard. That it's not just completly pointless. But it never

happens.
Cases in point.
The Real World. Does anyone care anymore? Does anyone even watch? I mean, really, I want to

know. If you really look forward to it let me know. Also, San Diego? Twice? Why? Why haven't

they ever done a show in Atlanta? There are 3 million people there. Has to be better than

San Diego. I think the producers just want to do shows in SoCal because it's close to their

house. Why not a show in Houston?
Honestly, though, I haven't watched it since season 3. That was the one with that idiot

Puck, right? Ever wonder if he knew his nick came from a play by Shakespeare? Think he ever

actually read it?
Weather Channels. There are 3 of them on my cable. Why? Isn't one enough? It's not like we

need weather for different planets. And really, it's either raining or it's not, what else

do you need to know?
Religion channels. Again, 3 of them. One is catholic and has a pirate nun on it. Seriosly, a

nun with an eyepatch and a bad attitude. She needs a parrot, though.
5 or 6 mtv channels on digital cable and all they ever show is hip hop videos. Even in

Spanish. Two of them never show videos at all.
VH1. Just give up and put an all 80's channel on. That's what everyone likes, anyway. You

would think nothing except hip hop and Britney even existed since the 80's, if you go by

what's on VH1.
Home Shopping networks. There are 4 or 5 of these. I'm not sure since some of them only seem

to be on after 1 in the morning. Why don't they have an ebay channel? You could place bids

on the phone. My grandmother, who is 76 and can't use a computer, would love that. She can't

operate a computer but has 2 cellphones that are always up to date with bleeding edge

technology. I think there would be a market for ebayTV.
Foreign tv. I need more of this. I need videos from Japan. I need Telemundo. Ever watch

westerns in Spanish? They seem to work better that way. It's all about facial expressions

and guns, you don't need to speak the language to get that. I need Russian game shows. I

want to see naked French people at the beach. All I have is BBC America and all they ever

show is the original version of Trading Spaces.
Prof. Brian O'Blivion writes:
"The television screen is the retina of the mind's eye. Therefore the television screen is

part of the physical structure of the brain. Therefore whatever appears on the television

screen emerges as raw experience for those who watch it. Therefore television is reality,

and reality is less than television."
Death to Videodrome. Long live the new flesh!

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