Two anti-shoppers did the unthinkable today and decided to attempt to create a wedding registry at Bed Bath and Beyond. As we headed down to Chelsea on a sunny Saturday I said to my fianc Eric, "We'll be in and out in an hour, I swear."

Bed, Bath and Beyond isn't exactly a store, it is more like a casino for those obsessed with kitchenware and towels. We entered at 3 in the afternoon with the sun shining brightly and did not emerge until 6pm feeling like we needed a drink and a t-shirt that said "What happens in Bed Bath and Beyond, Stays in Bed Bath and Beyond."

Chelsea, a gay Mecca of my fair city, is also a shopping nightmare on a Saturday meaning that when we entered the green archways of Bed Bath and Beyond, Eric and I hung on to each other like Asian tourists attempting to enter the subway at rush hour. I saw a long line at customer service and immediately turned around and said "Abort, let's just do this online." The less impatient of us, Eric said, "This can't be the line?" We forged on and found an employee to direct us to the fine china section where wedding registries were housed.

Four women huddled around a computer and pounced upon us as we timidly walked up to the desk. After explaining that we wanted to register, we sat down with "Kelly-Ann" who fired awkward and impersonal questions at us as we filled in paperwork. "Where'd you meet? Have you started planning? What types of things are you looking for?"

I awkwardly smiled as I answered her questions, all the while thinking "Lady, just give us the gun." From all the couples who have gone before me I've learned about this mythical "gun" you are given to run around the store with and scan items to add to the registry. I imagined it like playing laser tag with blender and towel targets.

Five more minutes of awkward conversation later we were following Kelly-Ann to cookware where the gun demonstration was given. We were licensed, locked, and loaded.

Anyone who has been privy to my "taste" knows that while I am 99.9% Italian, I am likely .1% Magpie, in that I like bright shiny objects with lots of color. So while Eric was saying things like, "This looks really sturdy" I was saying things like "oooh it's red, let's get it."

Bake ware, cookware, wok, placemats, sheets, towels, we were consumers beyond consumers. Staring at 30 patterns of silverware I was getting tired and cranky and said "whatever you want." Eric picked out a pattern and said "what do you think of this?" I looked at it and said, "this wouldn't last a month with me." He said, "Yeah you're right."

At 4'11" I cannot lift a bag into an airplane overhead bin, but have the ability to bend spoons with my bare hands to the extent that they appear to have been used to manually stop a train. All of our silverware is mangled, crooked, and looks like the incredible hulk went on a rampage. So while function and feng shui was a consideration, all items had to pass the "Will Jen break this" test, which if found were questionable were not included.

We finally dragged ourselves back the counter where a peppy blonde woman said, "How was it?" I looked at her and said "completely exhausting." She started laughing and said "Well you didn't do it all at once did you?" We looked at each other having not even considered "starting" a registry to be finished up later.

We finished off the day with a movie, dinner and a drink wondering where the day went, and realizing we will have to do this again in the not too distant future when we finish up the registry at Crate and Barrel. One small step for the wedding, one giant leap for wedding-kind.

Learn more about this author, Jen Limarzi.
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