by Linda Ann Nickerson

Created on: June 14, 2007

MOVIE MANNERS

What happened in the movie house
To public attitude?
They once were quiet as a mouse,
But now they're downright rude!

The ushers with the great big lamps
Have all but disappeared.
We're overrun by scamps and tramps
And others to be feared.

A cell phone rings; a child whines,
A pair of friends converse.
We paid big bucks for a good time,
That's simply growing worse.

THE WAY IT WAS

Traditionally, the movie house was an ornate and elegant neighborhood spot, where folks sat quietly to view movie magic. The glitter of the silver screen drew old and young, rich and poor, to enjoy a couple of hours of flickering film delight.

For less than $1, a movie buff might purchase a ticket and still have change left over for a roll of LifeSavers and a soda.

Patrons stepped politely past one another into rows to find their seats. Often, they were well-acquainted with one another, even before the show. Sometimes, they were neighbors.

Children were well-supervised.

Whisperers and wigglers were quickly removed to the lobby.

After the show, customers usually applauded cordially, if they enjoyed the show.

Then they gathered their personal belongings and deposited all snack containers and other rubbish into appropriate trash receptacles.

TODAY AT THE MOVIES

The small-town theater has been replaced by multi-screen megaplexes. Patrons drive from other localities to catch a movie. Everyone is a stranger. Rarely, audience members might catch a glimpse of an acquaintance in the crowd.

Customers purchase tickets for $8 - $12 (US) and giant barrels of popcorn. A movie night for two can easily cost $50, including snacks and sodas.

Once the lights go out, everyone is anonymous. Moviegoers prop their feet up on the seats ahead of them, or they cross their legs and tap nearby seats.

Folks carry on full-length conversations (audibly), even after the previews are finished and the feature film has begun.

Inevitably, a group of people will enter the cinema after the feature has begun and choose to sit in the center of the middle row. Climbing over a dozen people during the main event does not faze these folks at all.

Parents bring very young children along, who make their presence obvious throughout the show. (Who can afford a babysitter after paying for the movie and Milk Duds?)

Children whine and argue, and parents yell at them indiscriminately.

Cell phones ring, and individuals actually answer them. (Even a brief "I can't talk right now" is too much during a movie!)

People spill popcorn and drinks and don't bother to clean up.

Couples become amorous in public, as if the flickering movie screen didn't illuminate them. (The movie may be rated "PG," but the audience deserves at least an "R" rating!)

After the movie, everyone gets up and pushes toward the exits, leaving all empty snack boxes, cups, and other trash by their seats.

- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

Gee, maybe someone should film the AUDIENCE . . . . it may be more interesting and culturally revealing than a Hollywood script. Besides, there may be a whole lot more going on in front of the screen than on it!

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