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Children go through development phases and discipline should be adapted to each stage to be effective.

THE FIRST STAGE IS INSTRUCTIVE .

They have no internalized value system, the parent does and the challenge is to instruct them. At that age they are soft and warm and really a small, sharp, reasonable smack will not hurt them and it is not cruel. I have seen children of that age, playing in icy cold conditions or cold water, because there is such a high proportion of body fat that they are well insulated against a lot of things, including cold, pain, falling and other childhood threats. However, they do have a will. In fact studies have shown that they can even learn basic sign language as early as eight months and their application of that will is binary. They resist to find their boundaries and we oblige by showing them where those boundaries are.

The results of early discipline (not subtle stuff that they don't understand such as reward based manipulation), helps to build their confidence and respect for authority, the vital foundation needed for later discipline. The reason parents often struggle with discipline in later stages is because they haven't established the vital link in the cycle of discipline, namely respect for authority.

When my wife taught, her first semester was largely characterized by a tight, authoritative , non- negotiable , aloof style of management. Once she had commanded the respect of her learners she could slacken off and allow a bit more latitude and connectedness. Teachers who are soft when they first engage children, lose them and generally never regain their confidence.

I like to think of early development as an extrinsic fence that we put up to keep them out of trouble and in control. As they develop, the fences can gradually fade away until the fence is intrinsic, within their value system and part of their own self management.

THE SECOND PHASE IS FOR TRAINING.

The training phase extends from 7 to 12 and will end with the child having its own internal compass and able to work out for itself what is right and wrong. Getting there is a journey in which understanding of our rules and values, slowly displaces the factual content of rules. As they mature in their capacity to integrate values and exercise them appropriately, discipline should move towards strategies that induce them to make appropriate choices and value judgments .

Instruction is binary as in "Don't do that, or else". If a child

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