Loss is always difficult, but grieving through the holidays is especially rough. The holidays, for most of us, mean being with family. When someone has died (divorced, left) it is like a gaping hole in the whole experience. Who's going to read the Christmas story now that Grandpa's gone? How can we have a happy celebration when we're all feeling so much grief? ....

The first year holidays are especially difficult, especially if the loss is close to the holidays, or someone who had a big role in the festivities. The following are some ideas to keep in mind as the holidays roll around after a loss.

1. Don't expect everyone to grieve in the same way.

2. Don't assume their grief is not deep if they are not weeping all the time.

3. Recognize and accept the stages of grief.

4. Use the holiday as a time to honor the deceased one.

5. Remember the good times.

6. Don't pretend everything is OK.

7. Use this time as a family to help one another grieve and say goodbye.

8. Give it time.

It will get easier with time, but it will never be easy. This is true even if you belief in life after death. The loss is still very real now.

The Christmas after my husband's grandmother passed away was a very special one. Since my family and port of his combine each year, she was there for the 'celebrations' of singing carols and hymns and telling the Christmas story the year before. She had really enjoyed herself and commented on it several times in what was to be her last 2 months of life.

The next year, as we again gathered without her, we all remembered that her last Christmas had been joyous, and somehow, those shared memories made it easier for us.

No matter how you choose to honor your missing loved one, doing so can go a long way toward helping you survive. It also helps you to remember that any holiday may be the last for any one. So, take the time to cherish the present moment with each one of your precious loved ones. After all, loving your family more is the best way to honor the one who's gone.

Learn more about this author, Angela S. Young.
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