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My neighbor across the street lost her husband several years ago. Her children moved away, her father fell ill and needs her care. She has to work and has little time to maintain her yard. She spoke to my wife a couple of weeks ago and asked if we could help her out and mow her lawn. My wife said "of course," and we did. No big deal. My wife and I, and our kids mowed, raked, cleaned up and had a great time. We were glad to help.

When I again mowed my own lawn yesterday, I mowed hers too. She has a postage stamp yard and it took maybe fifteen minutes. This morning she came over, card in hand, and thanked us profusely for helping her out. She was very welcome.
I opened the card and found what I'd hoped I wouldn't: a twenty dollar bill. I wrote a satirical piece on this site about getting rich two cents at a time writing, and how money changes everything. It is a double edged sword. I didn't expect or want money for helping a neighbor. I work to earn money, so naturally I want to get paid as much as I can get. I write and read because I love to share in ideas. If I can make some money pursuing my passion-why not. I don't, however, treat people kindly, or help a neighbor voluntarily to reap a monetary reward.
Thinking about it, it's not really about money. The issue is giving, receiving and indebtedness. She paid me so as not to feel indebted or guilty about not giving back. Some people (not necessarily her) count favors and use them as collateral in a relationship. If I receive a favor, I'm sorry but I don't keep track. I don't return favors. I give them for free. If I receive more than I give in my life time does anybody know? If I give more than I receive does that make me a better person? I have no idea because I don't know which side of the scale I'm on. I'm just happy to have had the opportunity for both.
So how can I convince her that I don't want anything in return for helping? If I give the money back she will feel hesitant to ask me for help, and I don't want to feel awkward about helping because I risk being paid.
Deborah Tannen, in her insightful book You Just Don't Understand, wrote about the dynamics of being "one up" or "one down" on the favor hierarchy. Everybody wants to be one up on others so they don't feel the guilt of indebtedness.
I started out wanting to write about a world in which one could help a neighbor, get nothing in return but a "thank-you", and the knowledge that if you need help someone will be there no strings attached.
John Lennon was right when he titled his song yearning for peace and brotherhood "Imagine".

Learn more about this author, B. W. Follett.
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