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I WAS NOT THERE! I have Four boys and one daughter or maybe I should say I know five adults who call me their dad and I have never received a Fathers day card.Let me clarify. None of them ever calls me Daddy. I do not deserve such praise. If and when I hear from them I'm addressed as "ray-ray","pops or"hey joe".I can't be upset at them you see because I WAS NOT THERE!My boys are trying to find their way in life trying to become men ,my daughter is just starting a family trying to become a woman. When I do speak to them they seem lost, confused, disintrested I cannot seem to reach them. I thought that by me being from the streets that my advice, my words would be law. I thought they would listen, learn,cherish my wisdom, I was wrong!You see I WAS NOT THERE! When they were taking their first steps, I was stepping in some club or some bluelight basement party.When they wanted to play catch with a ball I was somewhere trying to be a baller. I never got to hear their joy when they took the training wheels off the bikes "look daddy I'm riding by myself"! I can only dream of the sounds of accomplishments my children made.I was out riding with my friends who are either dead or in jail or just not here wherever they are they are not here, just like I wasn't there! I want to advise, consul, teach! When they had homework that was just a little too hard for them. I never got to see that sparkle in their eyes that showed, they got it and I had shown them how. Learning was easy for me I could have produced a Martin, Malcolm even a President. Instead, I was teaching some woman how to rip off men. I did not get to cheer at any of my boy's football games , see my daughter beautiful in a prom dress,I WAS NOT THERE! I could make a lot of excuses but all the reasons seem selfish now. So now I realize at the time I was thinking only of myself. Not being there is a two-edged sword cutting both ways; I lost valuable time enjoying the streets. when I should have been appreciating the blessings called children. My kids have three different mothers who went through mental issues during their task of trying to raise my children alone. One of whom I shot during my earlier, wilder days. Thank god it was not fatal; two of my children would not even exist. I never got the opportunity to meet or get to know my own father never even knew his name.I heard rumors, had 'surrogates' and 'steps' but I do not fault my mother what was she to do at the age of 16 in the year 1957 the year I was born.

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