by Kathy Shannon

Created on: June 12, 2007

My writing started in poems as an ode to my son. I could go for days and not have an inspiring thought. Then, I could sit down, and suddenly there were three or four poems appearing on paper. This is my way of dealing with what happens to me each day as I feel the loss of such a precious child.
Some of the incidences mentioned may be similar to your experiences. I just hope that the good ways that I dealt with them will help you. But, please learn from the wrong ways that I did things, so as not to make the same mistakes. I am taking into account that everyone must grieve in their own way. No matter how much alike our pain, no two are exactly the same.

Many mornings, I would wake to sunshine and warmth outside my comfortable home, but would feel nothing. Just incredible cold inside. If only I could stay in the bed, pull a blanket up to my neck and warm up. Most of the time, the latter would be what I chose to do, even though laundry and housework waited for attention. Meals had to be prepared, and physical needs attended to. I just didn't have the energy or the desire. My whole reason for living had been snatched away. What else was there? Why should I go on if my baby was no longer here to need me? Suicide wasn't on my mind, just disappearing from society for a while. I just didn't want to talk about what happened.
By the way, just what did happen? According to the State Trooper who reported the case, it was a sunny, clear afternoon. Jason was on his way home from work to change clothes and go to band practice. He was driving around sixty miles an hour, which the officer says isn't enough to pull him over. Witnesses say that Jason appeared to be reaching over into the floor of the truck, or maybe adjusting the radio. He looked away from the road, causing his steering to go off coarse into the oncoming traffic. When the driver of the other car realized that he could not get out of the way, he stepped on the brakes. This caused his car to dip down in the front and Jason's truck to ride up the hood as though it were a ramp. At the speed Jason was traveling, the truck went into the air, spiraled twice, and landed on the driver's side in a ditch. The neighbors and other drivers ran to the truck in hopes of helping him get but, the truck erupted into flames. It would be impossible to get him out. From all indications, Jason died upon impact. The trooper assured me that if he had been just knocked unconscious, the normal reaction would have been for him to try to escape

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