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out and something about the written word that's confusing. I don't get why the school can't figure it out. Don't they see this kind of stuff all the time?

I'm going to talk to his teacher again. I've talked to her before. There isn't much that they can do about the amount of homework. Even though his homework takes over an hour and it's supposed to take 30 minutes. I can alter his homework, but he'll be marked down. All the pressure is on me. I get to decide what is important for him to do for the next day. How am I supposed to know which lessons are needed to understand the class work tomorrow? I'm not the teacher. Frustrated is not even the word. I'm moving into blinding rage.

I walk into the bright and cheery room that's set up like it's under the sea. There are fish hanging from the ceiling and waves around the room. The teacher shows me the thematic unit on the ocean that Bryan just finished. He diagramed the food chain of the ocean and excelled at making pictures of the concepts. Unfortunately, he still hasn't learned to read.

I feel myself crumbling on the inside. I'm failing my son. I haven't been able to help him. It's all my fault somehow. I'm a bad mother. I've lost the race for him before he's even started. He's only in second grade and no one is helping us. I'm lost. I'm going to home and cry.

Wait a minute! Something changes inside me. Suddenly, I feel strong and sure. I'm angry. I battle for and get my Individual Education Plan (IEP). Now, my son will get help from the specialists. Well, that was the way I thought it would go, but it didn't really turn out that way. It seems that the special services people didn't know how to teach him any better than the classroom teacher did. They taught from the same books in the same way. They just have groups of six or less. At least he gets to come home on time now.

Silly me I thought the resource people were resourceful and would figure out how to teach each of their kids. You know the individual in the Individual Education Plan. I guess I misunderstood the title or they just have no clue about what they are doing. Not only was the class too distracting, but the lessons don't make sense to him. Now my son tells me he is totally stupid.

He sees himself as stupid and broken. This is really messing up his self confidence. He really thinks that he is wrong in some way. This whole school thing is breaking his soul. He's giving up. I am totally pissed at the school. I couldn't do any worse. They've managed to get him to the bottom 14% of the nation in reading and language arts. How could I do any worse? I'm going to homeschool.

I'm scared to death that I won't do it right. I don't know what a kid is supposed to know at each grade. But I have to do this. I have to show my son his intelligence. He is a smart kid. He knows science and math. If you give him a model, he can put it together without reading the instructionsof course, he can't read the instructions, but you get what I mean. He has abilities and talents that the school system ignores. He learns through his hands and his spacial understanding. Not a single lesson in that school is taught from that viewpoint. Of course the school officials think he's stupid. He doesn't fit in their round hole. The only type of intelligence that is honored in school is linear thinking and language.

I'm done with them. I can't do worse and maybe just maybe I can teach my son to love learning again. He loved learning back when he was three. It was amazing. I want to get his mind back to that place. Teaching him how to learn will be my goal. There is always hope.

Learn more about this author, Mary Paliescheskey.
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