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The best way to help children develop self-control is to start early, while their brain connections are being formed in the first few years of life, by setting a few, basic, limits. Most people are familiar with the story, The Miracle Worker, which is the story of Helen Keller, who, because of not being able to see, speak, or hear after getting an illness as a toddler, was a horribly out-of-control little girl until a teacher, Anne Sullivan, found a way to get Helen to stop, pay attention to what was happening, and eventually learn to behave and communicate. While the situation for healthy babies is not as extreme, a similar type of thing happens when babies, toddlers, or preschoolers are allowed to go around and do whatever they want until its time for preschool or kindergarten, when suddenly the fact that they have no self-control becomes a problem.

One way to begin helping a child have self-control is to begin when he first starts crawling and then walking. Babies do, of course, need to explore and have some freedom. Still, by having a few, basic, limits on their exploration babies can learn some elementary self-control. Although babies and toddlers understand far more of what we say than we realize, there is, of course, the issue that they can't understand much of we may say. Regardless of how much they understand what we say, they do get messages and gain experience from what we do.

Deciding what limits to place on a baby or toddler is easy: Every home, no matter how well child-proofed, has a few things that babies should not touch or go near. Electrical outlets (even with the child-proof covers), tops of stairs, or maybe a brick fireplace hearth are good examples. If there is a cat or dog in the house that's one more thing babies can learn about. Allowing a one-year-old to climb on whatever he wants - with the exception of the tables and counters - offers freedom with another basic limit. Buttons or knobs on televisions or a computer are another sensible thing to establish as off-limits. Once a parent has established the few basic limits those limits will remain constant enough so that even a fairly young but mobile baby can learn.

By simply being consistent about telling the baby "no" when he heads for the outlets or starts to pick up the cat, and by adding a little explanation (such as, "Ooh - we don't pick up the kitty when she's eating. She needs her dinner.") it will be enough for the baby or toddler to have experience having his actions interrupted

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