My mum passed away recently in January. This is a very difficult time for me because my mum has always been there for me, always having a ready and warm smile for everyone.

My mum had a difficult life. She had been sick for more than 19 years, at the young age of 39. When I was young, my mum's legs were always swollen and she had difficulty walking. There were moments when her condition improved and she could walk slightly with little pain. She would wake up early, go to the market and buy breakfast for me on those days.

At 47 years old, she had a stroke. It affected her left side, making her weak and she couldn't walk very well after that and was wheelchair-bound most of the times. The doctors told her very frankly then that she would not be able to walk again, but my mum worked hard to prove them wrong. She went for physiotherapy and exercise diligently despite the pain. She exercised very determinedly and finally she was able to walk with a walking frame. She had a lot of courage and determination. Her optimistic outlook of life also helped her and my dad and myself tided over periods after periods of difficult times in life. Despite her immobility and the constant need to take more than 10 tablets a day, she remained cheerful and never uttered a single word of complaint. She surrounded us with love and care and warmth, making the house very warm and cozy.

Somehow, her condition worsened last year. She was diagnosed with kidney failure. All of us cried from worrying about her and the high medical bills. It cost a few thousands every month to go for dialysis. But my mum was very strong. She kept her warm smile and continued to take care of us, making tonic soups for us, despite the fact that she was getting weaker and became more tired easily.

Kidney failure and dialysis is a very tormenting disease. Patients on blood dialysis have to control their liquid intake to 1 glass of water daily and have to refrain from eating most of the green vegetables, fruits and nuts. They fell ill easily and the thrice weekly dialysis was a very torturing experience, having thick needles poked into their veins to draw out blood to cleanse the blood.

My mum never complained to me about the sufferings she had to go through. She was very strong. I still remember vividly after her 1st fistula operation, when she was wheeled out to the ward area, she was smiling happily at me. I asked about whether it was painful or not, she told me it wasn't painful at all.

It was only later on, when she was warded again for severe sepsis, did I realize that she put on a brave front for me. She was injected with high dosages of antibodies, which made her groggy. Her level of alertness dropped. She started to tell me that she was in pain. It was very painful. I only knew then that she put on with the sufferings bravely so as not to make us worry about her.

Although she had passed on, the beautiful memories that I created with my mum will always be in my heart. I will remember her warm smile, her loving, her kindness and cheerfulness forever.

Learn more about this author, Jesslyn Foo.
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