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Perhaps the word "feminism" is outdated, but the underlying issues that perpetuate inequality between men and women are no:

* My father left my stepmother in November, telling her that he needs a woman who cooks and cleans. Interestingly, my father retired 15 years ago and hasn't held a real job since. Any mess made around the house - dirty dishes, clothing hung on the backs of chairs in the dining room instead of in the closets - was his. In addition, my stepmother worked 10 hours a day. Why didn't HE have dinner on the table when she got home

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* One of the reasons my first husband gave for leaving me three years ago was that I kept my last name and that it appeared on the doormat given to us as a surprise gift by the builder of the home. After seven years of marriage the issue of my last name - which was discussed BEFORE we married - was off the table. Besides, my father's name is as good as his, and I was in my 30s with a relatively high-profile job. In fact, I have friends who rudely insist on trying to call me by my husband's name when I have insisted that it is not mine.

* An unspoken issue that I'm certain played a role in our marriage was money. I earned about 25 percent more than my husband. He pretended to be an enlightened 21st century man, but what he still expected was a maid. But men long have held that they should be cut some slack because they earn more. Under that model, my husband should have acted as my wife and taken over the planning and execution of the household tasks. At worst, we should have been equals in the division of labor. But he wanted to maintain his unearned male privilege.

*I recently spent time with a friend who was performing several simultaneous tasks while her husband sat in a chair. Yet he kept yelling at her to watch the baby.

Women still wrestle with whether to stay home to care for their children, feeling they are gender traitors if they do. This should not be an issue of feminism. This is an issue of family need.

No doubt much has changed over the past couple of generations, but it takes more than a couple of decades to correct thousands of years of inequality.

Learn more about this author, Rebecca Bibbs.
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