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What's important in a parent:
1. They're present for their children, especially teens.
2. They're interested in what their children are doing, especially when they're teens.
3. They're not afraid to lay down the parental laws - and, of course, it applies especially to teens.

I like the line of thinking that states that parents need not be their teenager's best friends (I mean, how well could that work out anyway?). They need to be parents. The idea that parents "interefere" with teenagers is ridiculous. Teenagers have it in their mind that they are entitled to privacy. They're not. Parents are entitled to knowing everything about a teenager.

Why do teenagers get into so much trouble? Aside from the obvious reason - i.e. they're only half as intelligent as they think, and they've got raging horemones - it's because so many parents take a me-first approach.

Selfishness is the poison of parenting. If you make time for your own leisure activities, or even for your job, in front of making time for your kids? It's not going to work. They're at high-risk of some kind of dangerous rebellion.

Parenting is a more-than-full-time responsibility. Family comes first, after God of course (for those of us who believe in the Ten Commandments, anyway).

What does a parent do when parenting at a bare-minimum? They provide food and shelter for their kids. What's the next step? They know where their kids are at all times. After that? They know how well their kids are doing in school. After that? They know who their kid's friends are.

But if you stop there - you're still not parenting right.

There's more:
- You've got to know your kid's friend's families.
- You've got to be comfortable saying "I don't want you hanging out with this person anymore."
- You've got to have deep conversations with your kids - meet them where they are. Be frank. Be honest.
- You've got to respect your kids. Find out what they're interested in, and then encourage that interest.
- You've got to - and this is very, very important - make time. Work does not come first. Ask yourself whether you've provided an atmosphere in which your kids can communicate with you. Family dinner? Family game night?

Another thing - it's hard to do all this stuff if you haven't been doing it right along. If a teenager has decided you don't have time for them, it's a hard attitude to change. Work on it little by little.

Parents care. It's their job. And if they've done their job right, they won't be the enemy from the teenager's perspective.

Learn more about this author, J.R. Anthony.
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