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The best way to deal with anger is to first understand where it is coming from. Anger always comes in when we sense that we have no control, when we are in a situation that leaves us feeling helpless and weak. The expression of anger is an attempt to restore a sense of balance. The angry person will now be left feeling strong and empowered.
With this in mind, the first way to deal with anger is to deal with the feelings of vulnerability and helplessness that precede it. Once you can identify those feelings and work to release them, then you will no longer have the urge to be angry.

But if you are having difficulty identifying what is preceding the anger or if you are already caught in the middle of an outburst, then here are a few tips to help you handle the situation:

1. Take a time-out. This is not just for children. Sometimes getting a little space or fresh air will help cool you down and give you some perspective.
2. Have a third person who can come in a arbitrate if an argument should get out of hand.
3. At calm times, go into a deep relaxation mediation. Imagine the most comforting person or soothing voice and pretend that you are hearing a certain sentence being repeated, such as "You're OK now." In moments of anger, you can then try to recall this voice in order to help you calm down.
4. Try to speak out what you are feeling. Even sometimes just saying the words, "I'm very angry now," can help to break the intensity.

Learn more about this author, Simi Brown.
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