Have you ever wondered why life doesn't turn out the way you planned? It's like you set down specific "rules" for yourself when you're younger, like "I'm going to do this before I graduate college." or "I'm going to do this by age 25, and this by 30" and then you hit thirty and the only goal you've accomplished is to explore another culture, which you do weekly sitting in front of the television, shoveling English muffins into your mouth and watching reruns on BBC America.

Sucks don't it?

If things don't get much better, I'm considering dropping 100 lbs, moving to Vegas and becoming a magician/exotic dancer (guess where I'm going to pull a quarter from next, boys. *wink wink*) and begin going by the name "LuLu". Yes, LuLu. Things have gotten so bad that I must resort to LuLu.

Consider the Game of Life, only with negative numbers on the dial, and you spin those more often than the ones that actually move you forward. By the time you cruise into retirement, you have $5 left, the dog has chewed on one of your tires, your spouse is blitzed and hanging half out of the car, and you have two children, one of which fell out of the car around the midlife crisis square, and the other is living in your basement.

I need a vacation.

Anyone know any good hotels in Vegas?

Learn more about this author, Amanda Mccoy.
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