Channel Button

There are 5 articles on this title. You are reading the article ranked and rated #1 by Helium's members.

Creative Writing   >

Humor

Humor: Divorce

You know, when human beings first started pledging to stay together "until death do us part", death was only approximately twenty-five years away. The average life span in the middle ages was about thirty five or forty years. Suppose you wait until you are a fully functional female, say, oh, I don't know, about fourteen (I know, a pedophile's delight. But really, when you only have forty years, you have to start early) and then you get married. Twenty years together, with childbirth, and hard times, and disease, and every other tragedy we no longer consider part of normal life here in the good ole USA, surviving that is miraculous. Forty years of the same? Well it's no wonder people divorce at the rate that they do.

I am a feminist, and a woman, and I do believe that women coming to see themselves as equal to men has led to increased rates of divorce. After all, if a man can leave a lousy relationship, why not a woman? The thing that I believe we all miss when we look at the statistics is that of the couples who remain married, many, maybe as many as half, are staying for some other reason than that the relationship is just peachy keen, thank you! In reality, often one spouse is ill, or too religious, or ill-prepared for a life on their own. The thought of it is just too much. And that, my friends, is what they have in common with people who are divorcing.
How can I possible know this, you say? Simple. I have been a divorce attorney for fifteen years, and I know. The biggest fear of my clients, and I will say most clients in general, is that they cannot divide the one family pie into two pieces that are each the same size as the original pie. Guess what? They're right! So. What does a person in this situation do to resolve this? Many find a replacement piece (oops, I mean spouse) so that the pie is the same size again, or even (gasp) larger than it was before. Others find two big pieces of wood, tie them together and become martyrs to their cause, the "s/he did this to me and no I'm going to be miserable forever" cause. (For those of you out there reading this who may be looking for a replacement piece for your pie, stay away from those with the two pieces of wood. They have a full plate, and no room for your needs or wants, even if all you want is to make them feel better. Especially if they have children. Don't even get me started!)
Occasionally, though, a person will experience what I like to call the divorce epiphany, and realize


Below are the top articles rated and ranked by Helium members on:

Humor: Divorce

  • 1 of 5

    by Laura Storzer

    You know, when human beings first started pledging to stay together "until death do us part", death was only approxim... read more

  • 2 of 5

    by Heather Williams

    Oh, goodie, it's THAT time of year.again. (Part IIII) I am at that age where everyone is getting engaged, gett... read more

  • 3 of 5

    by Piper Wilson

    I was lucky for several things when I got my divorce. First, from the time I told my husband I wanted a divorce, unt... read more

  • 4 of 5

    by Avy Nosh

    Divorce: Buy One, Get One Free! I gingerly carry the hand-written board outside, cursing my stars. But once outsid... read more

  • 5 of 5

    by Michael Benfield

    Ted had just gotten home from a long day at work in the coal mine. His wife wasn't home and Ted was confused as to wh... read more

Add your voice

Know something about Humor: Divorce?
We want to hear your view. Write_penWrite now!

What is Helium? | User Guide | Community | Link to Helium | Privacy | User agreement | DMCA

Helium, Inc.
200 Brickstone Square Andover, MA 01810 USA