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GROCERY SHOPPING: BE CAREFUL OUT THERE

One might assume that a visit to the local supermarket is uneventful. Usually it is.

But this was to be no ordinary shopping excursion to the grocerteria.

No ,there were other forces at work. Providence had intervened. All knowing fruit, dairy,veggie and bread deities were at play in the aisles of Safeway that day.

I; your humble narrator, had begun my journey innocently enough in the fruits and vegetable corridor. Navigating the rows and rows of Apples; Gala, Fuji and Grannies, then visiting strawberries, blueberries, raspberries. All of which seemed to beckon to me that fine day.

Come, inhale the aroma , embrace our textures, taste our succulence.

Perhaps it was this cornucopia of delectable temptations that was my first failing.

Because it was after my temporary insanity that I was aware that I was now five aisles over, grudgingly perusing paper products. I don't care if Bounty is The Quicker Picker Upper, nothing lifts my spirits like a blissful expedition down the intoxicating aisle of nutrient rich fruits and veggies.

It was at this moment, as I was being awoken from my fruit induced drunkenness, that I realized someone was calling to me.

They weren't calling my name. In fact, the voice seemed cold, monotone and strangely distant and muffled. But something about their words spoke to me. Summoned me to listen more attentively.

That's when I was jolted completely sober by the words.

"Would the person who has the wrong cart please return it to aisle 4?"; said the voice, in a rather annoyed, why am I being bothered with this, tone.

First it hit me as humorous. How could some idiot take the wrong cart.

Then, like a splash of cold water on my face, the facts came rushing in.

I, had been in aisle four.

I had been walking around in a daze.

I had cat food in my cart. WAIT! Cat food? I don't have a cat. I don't even like felines. I don't associate with cat people, so why, oh why would I, of all people, be in possession of cat food? And.... Gasp! AND kitty litter!?!

Oh no, it was me.

I was the mindless twit who had inadvertently taken someone Else's shopping cart. I could only imagine the interrogation at the hands of the 16 year old bag boy.

"But officer"; I would mutter, "The cart in question had bananas, kiwi and fresh ripe strawberries from Michigan's Upper Peninsula." I would continue, "and the aforementioned fruit was all placed in the child seat just as I always do, so you can see the innocent error of my ways....Can't you?"

This is where my puppy dog eyes kick in and my most sincere voice is oozing from my lips like strawberry sauce on a chocolate cake.

"Did you not notice the woman's purse?"; said my examiner.

In fact I had not. Fruit and veggie intoxication can cause one to do unspeakable things, but they weren't here to listen to excuses. The aggrieved woman wanted her cart back and she wanted it now.

I relented and gave it to her. And for the briefest of moments I almost asked for my Bounty and me Lucky Charms back, but I thought better of it upon reflection.

One must pick their battles carefully when in the confines of the grocerteria.

Learn more about this author, Michael Stone.
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