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At one time in life, I suppose I didn't want to upset people in my quest to befriend everyone I crossed paths with, and I would choose to participate in things I really didn't want to be a part of just to make others happy. The events weren't appealing to me, but the people were, and I didn't want to upset them. In the end, they were happy as pigs in mud and I was miserable. Not a good way to build up a memory cache.

But as I have matured, I have learned that when you aren't good to yourself, you aren't good for anyone else either. When you do something against your own wishes but don't let anyone in on your feelings, you are living a life of lies, no matter how trivial or mundane the non truths might be.

You can continue to make the choice to say what you don't mean for only so long before it begins to catch up with you. A slight tiff might emerge because you suddenly found honesty, and it will confuse those around you because they had absolutely no insight into your real wishes. And it all will happen because you lack being truthful in the first place.

As for you, yourself, in the end you only wind up compounding your own negative feelings with an emerging level of guilt that might surround your decisions to go against your personal wishes or desires. As for the 'I said yes, but meant no' excuse, it has to be the lamest group of words any human can utter.

Honesty is always the best policy, and I apologize for the use of a cliche, but they are only created because they serve a purpose somewhere in life.

As for the saying yes but meaning no scenario, if morals alone aren't a good enough reason to not participate in this 'say what they want, not what you feel' dilemma, then perhaps the idea of an extra necessary energy requirement to maintain your lie would deter you. There also rests a potential for other branching lies to emerge that would be required to continue to live with your original non-truth. There's nothing like a little back peddling to mess up your day.

There was a time in my life, long ago, where I realized that if I have to be dishonest to keep a friend happy, that friendship isn't as enjoyable to me in the first place. I have let go of a few friendships along the way.

If you were given the gift of reasonable morals, then you know that dishonesty leads to guilt. You should also know that a friendship based on such a lopsided, morally damaging foundation, is doomed to fail. Stop micromanaging your friends by thinking for them. That's exactly what you're doing when you say yes because you think they want to hear you say yes. Give yourself some respect and be honest with yourself. Give respect to the relationships that you consider important and be honest to your buddies. People don't exist for others to enjoy, and you'll probably find a more solidified relationship than you originally thought in the end. You have one chance in life with one jacket of skin and you can't get out of it. Do yourself a favor and do what is personally right for you and don't be afraid to share that with those around you.

Learn more about this author, Andi Bryant.
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