by Bruce Pilgrim

Created on: May 29, 2007   Last Updated: May 30, 2007

Sucking up is not really one of my skills. So, in the great tradition of batting coaches with lifetime averages of .220, I will now presume to provide you with a guide to sucking up in the corporate context.

Be extra agreeable
Cultivate the knack of adopting the opinions of the higher ups as your own. It is not enough to just agree with the bosses, it is crucial that you make sure the bosses know that you agree with whatever they say. What's more, you need to communicate your agreement with the lower downs.

I actually had a boss who would invariably say "It's a good management decision and I agree with it." This boss agreed with management decisions even before management decided. During a meeting in which the agreeable boss's boss (Chad) was speaking, Chad finished making a point about something, and the agreeable boss piped up and said, "I agree with you, Chad."

Chad replied: "Somehow, I knew you would."

Join the parade
When you can see that a decision is inevitable, jump on the bandwagon and join the parade.

Let's say, for example, that someone has sold your boss an "independent" magazine that will replace the vastly superior magazine you are already producing in-house.
And, suppose the new magazine will require that the editor of the old magazine do twice as much work to support it.

And, suppose the new magazine will cost three times as much as the old magazine.
Given such a stupid plan, what should you do?

Well, imagine you see a parade coming down the street. You have several choices of action. You can:

a. Ignore the parade, though it will happen anyway.
b. Try to stop it and get run over.
c. Stand there and watch it go by.
d. Join in and march along with enthusiasm.

If you make any choice other than "d," you need more than suck-up lessons.

Play golf
I don't play golf. Never have, never will. This is one of the many reasons I was never promoted.

If you don't play golf, you don't get to blow off work and go play golf with others, including bosses. And you don't get to talk about golf when you are not playing golf.
You also don't get to drink with others - including the boss- both while you are playing golf and after you are finished playing golf.

Everything related to golf gives you unlimited opportunities for sucking up.
I don't think you need to get good at golf, but I'm sure you shouldn't play better than the bosses.

Stay late
Hang around after. Get into bull sessions with the others who hang around. Talk to them about golf. If you get a reputation as someone who "works" late

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